My intent is to report my progress and choices in managing my experiences with bipolar disorder and compulsive eating. Joy in my life is in the giving and the ability to receive.


       I dedicated a week for my "Sabbatical"- a term I use in returning to myself, a place of quietness where knowledge of one's self can be understood.  I like to mention two important thoughts of awareness I had during this week.
The first thought of awareness:
       Throughout my experiences in life I wanted to move quickly throughout it and that included my thoughts and feelings.  I had a spiritual method that allowed me to shift to opposite poles of feelings such as anger to happiness in a matter of minutes; I came to realize this quick mental and emotional movement created feelings of instability to those viewing me.  It created dishonesty within myself.  I was not dealing with my pain and discomfort.  My spiritual method helped me to cope and adapt to my world.  It no longer serves me and I let it go.  I now make gradual increments in shifting feelings and thoughts, this allows me to feel, think, process and integrate.

The second thought of awareness:
       This week I was being the observer and watching myself.  I found, it is fun discovering what I have acquired and developed in life. I express an actor's persona:  Performance oriented, passionate and leaning toward melodrama.  I am integrating this awareness and the affect I have on others.  I appropriately use my actor's persona in being real, and sensitive; In all my relationships, in speaking engagements, through my paintings, future theater, reading and playing with my grand-children.  This I keep and use  my actor's persona for it's good qualities.

       In addition I had time during this week to reflect on my earlier years and I  have come to resolve, in growing up my mom and dad did the best in raising me.  My mom and dad told me at an early age their stories of pain.  I learned the art of listening and that is when my practice really began.  I had the awareness when my mom was feeling anxious she would come and sit next to me; she then took on a calmer appearance.  Looking back on my childhood and in my current practice this calming effect served and serves well today.

       I learned to comfort myself at an early age, and without knowing, to depend on something bigger than me.

       I could not rely on mom or dad or anyone else.  The schools or the world could not provide nourishment for me; I had no choice other than to pull from within; at this point in my life my inner foundation took root.

       I am very grateful for my life, and my parents who ushered me in to be the person I am today.  As for my Sabbatical the week had many surprises from guest nature visitors, creatures great and small, to a beautiful rainbow. I have reached out to a selective few from whom I call, Counsel of Spiritual Advocates, and I thank them for walking with me on my journey and being real with me as I with them.

In gratitude,
Tanya Fleisher